the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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