That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
