Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
