You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
