this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
