They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
someone owes me an orgasm
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
