He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
