my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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