Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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