wake up i wanna do it froggy style
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Mom said you looked used
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
