Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
