I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
