A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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