I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
