Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
