Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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