Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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