Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
