Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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