I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
