people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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