I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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