Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
