Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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