i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
