I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
