I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
