u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
