forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
