Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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