take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
