Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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