Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
