I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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