Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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