Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
