I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
