So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
