My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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