He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
