just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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