I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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