yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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