what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
