I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
