my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
