either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
