maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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