I'm so fucking centered right now
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
