Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
only you would photoshop your dick
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
