I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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