My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
