I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
